The problem with grudges is that they never actually serve the “purpose” they were created for. They don’t make us feel better or help us heal, and at the end of the day we’re still just as wounded as we were when the original hurt occurred. We sort of turn it into an object to hold onto as proof that we have suffered, and as a way to rationalize to ourselves and others why this grudge is legit. It’s the ultimate form of shadow.
It becomes a construct of the mind and eventually morphs into a wall that blocks anything from reaching our heart. It’s an obstacle to healing and ends up depriving us of the very emotions we truly need to tap into, in order to let go.
The thing is, people make mistakes, people change, and hopefully they learn lessons from those missteps and grow. That is the nature of being human.
I know I’ve made all sorts of mistakes with some of my relationships, and unless you personally ask me for an apology, you can’t assume I know the exact nature of every grudge out there directed at me.
You also can’t assume I’ll make my life decisions based on the fear of what your reaction may or may not be, and I won’t worry about something that doesn’t have anything to do with me. You can’t toss your nonsense down at my feet. I’ll step right over it and keep on walking.
Listen, I’m not always right, but I’m not always wrong either.
Honestly, I just want to love my tribe as genuinely as possible. If I make mistakes and it affects my relationships, I am 100% willing to talk about it and try to make it right. However if you don’t wish to engage in that exchange, my first priority is me. Meaning, I will forgive myself 100% for not knowing what I didn’t know before I learned it.
And I absolutely will have learned & grown from it, regardless of whether or not you are aware of the lesson.
I am flawed, yet dependable. I can be fun-loving and I can be curt. I’m passionate, I hate every sort of injustice that exists, I am empathetic and I am compassionate, I can be pissy af and if you hurt me, the hurt goes deep.
I can only hope my closest people believe in me 100%. They know that’s me; they know that’s who I am today. People grow and change and evolve, and then grow again.
“If you know me based on who I was a year ago, you don’t know me at all.
My growth game is strong.
Allow me to reintroduce myself.”
If you’re not acquainted with the facets of my current diamond in the rough, I can’t help you with any grudges you may harbor from the past – that’s your stuff to figure out.
I’ve moved on.
You can unfriend, unsubscribe or otherwise break the tie, but know I’ll refuse to carry or worry about your stuff unless you bring it to my attention – and then at least, it has a chance to become our stuff to work out together. And if I’m wrong I will apologize sincerely and wholeheartedly.
At the core, all any of us want is to love our favorite people as completely as possible with all their flaws, strengths & silly, beautiful traits that make them uniquely special to us.
No one is perfect and no one is above making mistakes – not me, not you.
My wish is that you realize it’s finally time to just let go of any grudge between us, even if we’re not meant to re-connect at a deeper level.
Let it go so something beautiful and perfect can come into your life and fill the space it leaves behind.